


Too Much

by Anonymous



Series: To Be Torn Apart [2]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: All characters but Minhyun mentioned only, Angst, Attempt at realistic thoughts, Drabble, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Slightly bad and toxic thoughts, minhyun centric, ot5 feels, some strong language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Winning on M Countdown for the first time, without the rest of NU'EST, is too much for Minhyun.  Seeing them on stage, being able to see and talk to them, is too much for Minhyun.  It's just too much.





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> So I just wanted to write this to help myself come to terms yet again regarding NU'EST and the latest events mentioned in the summary. I want to state again like I did the first time that this isn't to imply how I think any of the boys actually feel or are acting right now, this is just putting my own thoughts to the page so to speak. This time I'm looking at Minhyun.
> 
> I warn you now, this time it's Minhyun who, in this, isn't the most sensitive in his thoughts and feelings towards his situation. Please don't take this as me bashing Minhyun or the other members of Wanna One as that is definitely not the case or how I personally feel, this is just an examination on how the character of Minhyun and his person within this could potentially realistically feel about the situation as a whole. I'm sorry if that will be upsetting, but I do think in some cases people could read it and think that it might be realistic based on their own experiences.

He just wanted to fucking _smash_ something, just pull at his hair, rage, and scream damn it.  This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, not even close. It was too much. It was all just wrong, so terribly wrong.

 

Minhyun had tried to prepare himself for the reality that he knew was coming, tried so hard to prepare himself for the negative emotions that were somehow going to stem from something normally so positive like _winning_ , and yet, here he was, alone, tucked away in a bathroom, just wanting nothing more than to just scream and break down.  It was probably because it wasn’t just the fact that he won alone…but had seen the four others on stage without him, knowing that they all wanted him there with them, just as much as he wanted to be there too.

 

Two months, it had already been two months, and yet the forced separation still wasn’t any easier.  Two months without the four boys he had struggled and fought to make a name with, two months with another _sixteen_ to go. When Minhyun and the others had been told they were going to compete on the show that shall not be named, they had all known that this outcome had been a possibility, that one of them could be torn away from the others.  What Minhyun hadn’t prepared himself for though, was just how hard that _after_ part was going to be. How was he going to make it? It had only been two months. Two agonizing months. 

 

This wasn't how things were supposed to be, he wasn't supposed to leave his damn group behind, it was all wrong, he _needed_ them.  He abhorred the constant feeling like he had gotten to press a reset button to trade them in for a new chance and new members; he was constantly in terror that his four boys would think even for a second that he _wanted_ to go or that he didn’t miss and desperately need them and want to be with them. Constantly in terror that they would think Minhyun was happier without them, that he’d actually be happier trading them for new friends and a huge dose of fame and popularity.  Hell. No. 

 

He only felt worse too, he felt like an absolute asshole and jerk to his new group because now he felt he had to be all smiles and cheers to not ruin the high the other members had, to not ruin each of them seeing their dreams realized and attainted, but _fuck_ , it just felt so fucking wrong! Wanna One was not his home, how could it be when from day one their disbandment was already set in stone and more importantly, he already had a home waiting for him, one he was forced to leave. Minhyun knew he shouldn't have to feel like scum of the nation for saying that or wanting to just go back to the four boys who really knew him, he knew he shouldn’t feel that way….but he still kind of did, because there were still ten others who cared about him too and wanted him to be happy....but still....how does one reconcile with being torn away from those who came first?

 

He kicked the door in frustration at having to be around forced replacements every day and feel like the boys had to even feel like replacements in the first place.  He hated it, he just wanted to fucking quit.  Why was he good enough for the public now after being on that damn show when he had been the same damn person with his four boys, the _same_ damn person.  Those were the four who helped shape him into who he was, no one else, and no one else deserved him but them.  He hated it, he hated it so much.

 

What Minhyun probably hated the most about getting that win today even though their first one had really been the day _before_ , was the fact that at the end he had walked backstage and saw the four of them together, waiting and waving to him. They had all been so close, so very close, so close that Minhyun had been so tempted to just run forward and collapse into their arms and bawl knowing that they all would have held him tight for as long as they could…….but as close as they had been, in hindsight, in that moment, they had never felt further away.  He just wanted to go back to them so bad….to be NU’EST, to walk the path of life on stage together with _them_....but he couldn't, not now at least, and what probably scared him the most out of everything, was missing out on and losing all of that time over the sixteen months to go, not seeing them grow and change....helplessly petrified that they would no longer be the same when that time came, no longer the same when he got to come back to them...or that they wouldn't need him anymore either.... Minhyun needed them to need him, just like he needed nothing more _but them_ right now.  It wasn't fair, it was too much.

 

Minhyun collapsed.  He collapsed and he wept.  For although he had gained so much, he felt like he had lost so much more. 


End file.
